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Hologram Reagan Wows Republican Convention

AUGUST 26, 2020

Determined not to be outdone by the Democrat’s highly successful Obamabot at their recent gathering, Republican’s unveiled a surprisingly lifelike singing and dancing Ronald Reagan hologram at last night’s convention session.

The simulated Reagan drove the crowd into a frenzy with a vigorous performance of star-spangled showstoppers “Yankee Doodle Dandy”, “Oklahoma” and “I Wanna Sex You Up”.  After being lowered onto the stage by a giant crane, the faux-Reagan turned to the crowd in a glowing fluorescent red suit and crowed triumphantly, “Let’s see the Russkis trump this!”

Future News Scan: Yogurt Gets Emotional

Has your yogurt been leaving you emotionally flat? The taste researchers at Turgid North, the innovative food products company may have the solution.

“When you eat a lemon yogurt, it’s always got the same emotional resonance,” explained Heidi Gabwell, Director of Product Emotions. “But what if I want the yogurt to express my internal state of mind?”

Turgid North has brought this dream to fruition-on-the-bottom with their new Mood Yogurt. “Each yogurt cup is wrapped with a strip of our patented Moodgurt sensor strip. When the yogurt lover holds the cup for five seconds before consumption, she can transmit her mood to the product’s active cultures,” said Gabwell.

The Smoking Cat

The smoking cat

took a puff

and considered many things.

from villanelles to Roman wells and broken mattress springs.

The smoking cat

refilled his pipe

and walked to Coffee Town

to have a macchiato with two shots, made upside down.

The barista frowned

and told the cat

"That pipe is bad for you".

So the cat discarded it and bought tobacco made to chew.

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